Looking for Feedback

Hello all. I'm new to coaching and presenting but recently have had the opportunity to submit an application to present at a youth conference to empower teen girls. The main point of my presentation is how we have control over the thoughts we choose and how these thoughts can determine our future. (Nothing new, I know. But still powerful, nonetheless.) I have to submit a title and maximum 50 word description, which I'm finding is tough. Below are a couple of titles and two description options.

I'm looking for feedback: do they make sense? Are they clear or confusing? Are they attention grabbing? I would love some feedback from some of you experts!

Titles:

A. How to Use Storytelling to Choose Your Destiny

B. Powerful Storytelling: Choose Your Future

B. The Power of a Good Story: How To Choose Your Destiny

C. The Choice is Yours: Write Your Own Life Story

Description A:

We are all storytellers: writers, directors and actors of our lives. We create stories about ourselves and circumstances through the thoughts we choose, thus shaping our future. Marianne shares her story – the one she believed about herself that led to destruction, and the new one she created that changed her life.

Description B:

All we have control over are the thoughts we choose and the actions that follow. Our thoughts develop into stories we believe, determining our future. Marianne shares her story – the one she believed about herself that led to destruction, and the new one she created that changed her life.

Thanks!

0 members like this

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Bob Wilson on July 6, 2016 at 12:04am

Hi Marianne,

Congrats on landing this speaking gig - very exciting!

Overall, your titles and descriptions make sense. But the bigger question is are they a fit for your audience?

I think the concepts of destiny, storytelling and story primarily appeal to adults - I don't think they really do much for teens.

So, for the 2nd title, maybe something more like: Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Future

For the last title, maybe something like: The Choice is Yours: Success or Failure all Starts With Your Thoughts

I think you have great ideas/concepts here, just think it needs to be more in the language of your audience. I hope that makes sense. Let me know if questions,

Bob

Permalink Reply by Marianne Renner on July 6, 2016 at 5:19am

Hi Bob. Yes, that makes sense. Thank you so much for the valuable feedback!

Permalink Reply by Bob Wilson on July 6, 2016 at 11:59am

You're welcome, Marianne. Wishing you best of luck with it.

Bob

Permalink Reply by Holly Scherer on July 6, 2016 at 7:46am

Congratulations Marianne!

I like B and B - perhaps a combination of the two. Powerful (The Power of) Storytelling: How to Choose (Write) Your Destiny.

I like the flow of description B, maybe adding in the words you choose for the title? Storytelling, choose, destiny ...

I hope that helps. Let me know if I can assist further.

Permalink Reply by Marianne Renner on July 6, 2016 at 8:10am

Thanks Holly, yes that's a huge help!

Permalink Reply by Erin Robison on July 6, 2016 at 10:26am

Hi Marianne - congratulations to you!!

I like the second B title and the first description. The title really jumped out at me! Hope that helps. :)

Permalink Reply by Marianne Renner on July 6, 2016 at 11:49am

Thanks Erin!

Group LeaderPermalink Reply by Jen McDonough "The Iron Jen" on July 11, 2016 at 7:05pm

Congrats!
Looks like you got some great feedback .
Personally for teen girls I like C.

Permalink Reply by Marianne Renner on July 11, 2016 at 7:11pm

Thanks Jen!

Permalink Reply by Michael Allen Williamson on July 22, 2016 at 10:00am

Marianne,

What an important message you have, especially for teen girls, and I'm so excited for you to be delivering this speech. I believe your message will be well received and is of utmost importance for young people to hear. What an opportunity you have to impact this generation.

I am a storyteller and believe telling stories is extremely powerful. Therefore, I like your title B. I also really like your Description B as it flows well and really captures your message.

All the best,

- Michael Allen Williamson

Permalink Reply by Marianne Renner on July 22, 2016 at 10:23am

Thanks Michael!

Group LeaderPermalink Reply by Kent Julian on August 4, 2016 at 7:21am