Multiple Personalities

There seems to be two distinct sides to my personality. One side likes everything to be safe and predictable. Nice 8-5 work schedule, paycheck every two weeks. The other side is more interested in not working a traditional schedule, being free to pursue whatever may come along.

For a long time, I have felt a pull to try something of my own. To try to find my purpose. Something to make my family's life and other people's life better.

I've always been told,"do something you love, and you'll never work a day in your life." and "you can do anything you want". That was great advice, until I came up with a non-traditional idea and then the retort was that couldn't be done. Looking back, it's a little confusing. So I've spent a long time being moderately successful, but staying frustrated that I have not achieved more.

To be honest, my level of success is my fault. That's right, I said it... it's my fault. I'm taking responsibility for my mediocrity. I am not going to blame anyone else. (take note Occupy Protesters, but that's another topic) My main fault in this is that I am... wait for it...LAZY!!! I don't like it when I have to work at something too hard. In school, I never studied. I was always able to get by with little to no effort. In sales, I got a lot done based on my personality and being able to talk and relate, but if I didn't make the sale that day, it was probably not going to happen because following up takes effort and well, we know that I don't do the whole "effort" thing. Now given the right motivation, I have a laser focus that is undeniable. The things that I feel passionate about I am a bulldog about. I just miss the mark as to what is important. New car or motorcycle? I can tell you anything about it, how much it costs and how much I should pay. Staying focused at work or school...not so much

All this being said, I have discovered some things about myself recently. I know that the more I am challenged to accomplish something, the better I perform. I know that I haven't begun to scratch the surface of what I am capable of.

The question is do I want to continue to accomplish tasks that realistically are not my purpose or passion? No matter how much I accomplish because I am pushed, if the accomplishments don't better the greater good, is this the best use of my gifts?

This is my first attempt at getting my thoughts documented so feedback is welcomed.