The art of writing Cover Letters

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Permalink Reply by Elmer Querubin on February 15, 2012 at 12:52pm

Hi David,

This sample cover letter below is straight from the resources tab in the 48 Days website.

Notice how the cover letter is addressed to a certain person not "to whom it may concern".

Notice that the intent of the cover letter is the intent to call the person in order to get the interview.

The purpose of the cover letter is to connect with the person who is truly in charge of the hiring, not HR.  It's about showing the person that you are truly interested in the job position and puts you in the "top of mind" of the potential employer.

What you are writing looks more like a mission/vision statement rather than a cover letter.  In other words, it's too general  and too safe.  It needs to be more daring similar to the sample below.  Say that you will call on a certain date. Avoid being too specific on your background, just state your experience, and I encourage you to say that you are very interested in the position.

The specific things like you added (i.e. people are relational, you personal beliefs in business, etc) can work against you in your cover letter.  You just want to show initiative to the employer and keep the cover letter short with the intention that you will call.  You can tell them what you believe in the interview afterwards.

Please feel free to call me or email me if you have any more questions about your cover letter.  I'd love to help.

Elmer

August 29, 2007
Goodwin Manufacturing Company
241 Main Street
P. O. Box 378
Luck, Wisconsin 54853

Dear Mr. McGarraugh,

With this letter, I wish to express my strong interest in working with the Goodwin Manufacturing
Company as a sales representative. After more than 20 years as a sales professional and account
representative, I am exploring opportunities where my sales abilities and my passion for outdoor
sports may be combined. My volunteer involvement in sports and sports promotion has increased
in recent years and my desire is to make that more central to my selling career. I have enjoyed
being a B.A.S.S. participant, a licensed beagle field judge, a college golf team member, and am
currently an active member of the Middle Tennessee Fly Fishers.

In a recent position, it was my responsibility to prospect, educate, and successful market to clients
in a five-state territory. I oversaw the business development of all current and new products with
bottom-line accountability for established profit goals.

I would very much like to speak with you about growth opportunities with your company and
ways that you can utilize my expertise. Please expect my call on Wednesday, September 12th, to
arrange a convenient time to discuss the potential fit. I look forward to speaking with you then
about opportunities in the Southeastern or Midwestern states.

Sincerely,
John P. Dukehart

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Permalink Reply by David R Covert on February 15, 2012 at 3:28pm

Elemer,

 Thanks for the imput. I understand what you're saying and it makes sense. I guess maybe I was going for more of a mission statement with the idea in mind of cold calling on select businesses that I had researched and found to be interesting to me. These are not necessarily businesses that are looking for someone at this time. Do you think that makes a difference in the format of the letter? Maybe I should have called it a fishing letter. Hummmm. My hope is to connect with someone of similar thinking to mine. So what do you think?

Dave

 

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Permalink Reply by Elmer Querubin on February 15, 2012 at 8:15pm

David,

I think that you do have a target audience, but what I think what needs work on is your message.  What is the purpose of the letter?  Is it for employment?  If it is for employment, then state the position you are looking for.  If it is a job position that you know will add to the business, but they don't have a position for it yet, then state that.

You can write something like:

Hi Mr. Johnson,

I want to express a strong desire for the position for the lead sales position.....

Or

Hi Mr. Johnson,

I am very impressed with the success with your company, but I have heard that you don't have a training department.  I believe that I have the tools and skills to run a training department that will improve sales and work environment...

Is it to acquire a business relationship with your personal business?

Hi Mr. Johnson,

I want to let you know that I have done quite a bit of research in your company and am amazed about your success.  I want to help you achieve more. I have a business called...

In order to connect with people, you need to get into the door.  The cover letter is something to help you get into the door.  A mass mail that seems personal and not specific about what you can offer will not get a lot of tags.

Great job on the initiative.  Some people are too scared to do what you want to do.  That is something to be proud of.  What career are you trying to pursue? Or business are you starting?

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Permalink Reply by David R Covert on February 16, 2012 at 12:15pm

Elmer,

Thanks you again for your advice. I'm already working on a new letter. I think part of my problem is that I need to be more specific about the career I'm pursuing with myself first. This process has givenme some good insight on that already. Who knew change could be so much work? haha!

I'll keep working on it.

Thanks, Dave

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Permalink Reply by Chris Sutton on February 15, 2012 at 8:29pm

Dave,

It would be great to get more specific in your cover letter. If you like a company that thinks outside the box then let's get outside the box with this letter! Do your homework and taylor this letter to the company itself.

example,

I like that your company has 83 employees. I'm ready to become # 84 and here is what I have to offer"

A sentence like that would get my attention. I own my own company and I have a hard time reading cover letters like this. Usually I don't.

Let's see how out of the box you can get!

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Permalink Reply by David R Covert on February 16, 2012 at 12:21pm

Chris,

Thank you for your interest. You are exactly right. Thanks for the redirect.

I'm going to make it happen!

Thanks

Dave

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Permalink Reply by Jean Nelsen on February 17, 2012 at 4:50pm

David, I, too, admire your initiative and courage to ask for feedback:) You have already gotten great advise, so here is just a little bit more. I would  be very careful about sentences like this: "For example, I like casual business attire, flexible schedules, and income incentive programs with emphasis on results." Most companies don't care what you want until they want you. A cover letter is designed, I think, to make them smell the steak and hear the sizzle. Once they are in your backyard drooling over your bbq you can tell them what you want. And, once you get an informational interview you can decide if you really want to work there or not.

Also, I would be careful about the line: "....either through creating a new business venture..." It kinda makes it sound like you're not sure what you want. Additionally, I think a lot of companies might be leery of hiring someone that may cut and run to start his own business.

Again, kudos to you for being brave enough to ask for feedback. All the best, Jean

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Permalink Reply by David R Covert on February 18, 2012 at 8:25am

Hi Jean,

Love your analogy about the steak and the bbq! Makes good sense and also make me hungry.haha.

It feels good to be a part of such a great group of individuals supporting each other.

You're right about the business venture part of it also. This process is bringing me clairity in this area and again, I'm very grateful for all the support. Everybody is so busy these days, yet there are still people out there who are willing to carve out some time to give.

 Life the way it should be! How cool is that?!

Thanks to you all!

Dave

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Permalink Reply by Jean Nelsen on February 18, 2012 at 5:36pm

I know! Isn't this just the greatest group ever???

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Permalink Reply by David R Covert on February 20, 2012 at 6:08am

Yes it is. It's amazing what a little support can do.

thanks agian

Dave

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